SERENITY

 From the time I was born, I definitely knew I was the last option. It's been 20 damn years, I fucking got over my teen years, but you know what? The problem is being last in everything. I fucking feel like a goddamn rotten apple inside a basket with other fruits. No one is really willing to take me. For a while, they might pretend to you know want me after all, I wasn't really rotten from the beginning . (Chances are i was) Maybe the fault is in me. I wasn't really supposed to be with anyone. I was meant to stay away from everyone because, after all, I was trash from the very beginning. Maybe I should stay away from others, I end up ruining things for everyone in the end, I end up ripping them up probably too much that they rot along with me too. I always wonder how I can keep things going, how I cannot mess up? But the more I try, the more I fail. Maybe it's not my face that is ugly, maybe it's actually my heart, maybe .... how? how do I -, I- fix me ... I really ...

   I'm opening my eyes in the darkness When my heartbeat sounds unfamiliar I'm looking at you in the mirror The fear-ridden eyes, asking the question     Loving myself might be harder Than loving someone else, let's admit it The standards you made are more strict for yourself the thick tree rings in your life It's part of you, it's you Now let's forgive ourselves Our lives are long, trust yourself when in a maze when winter passes spring always comes From the eyes of the cold night I try to hide myself As I keep tossing and turning, ayy maybe i fell to take place of thousand stars   the target of thousands of bright arrows is me alone   You've shown me I have reasons I should love myself ( Oh-oh-oh ) I'll answer with my breath, my path The me of yesterday The me of today The me of tomorrow ( I'm learning how to love myself ) With no exceptions, it's all me Maybe there's no answer (Yeah, yeah) Maybe this isn’t the answer either (Alright) It’s ...

 hi, guys,  I know I have been inactive for quite a while and the reason is that actually a lot of things were going on in my mind. when I first started to write. the words that I wrote here were not actually for you all (sorry) everything I wrote was for me those 4-5 months were terrible for me each and every single day was filled with emptiness ,loneliness I didn't have the confidence I used to have back then, with all my friends gone and this corona also the lockdown I ended up alone for a while it was really troublesome I missed everyone back then I was just like doing things without motivation without any inspiration without any soul although my family was with me always. I used to like sketching, writing, singing but I didn't anymore all was blank and I felt like walking continuously feeling tired. even though I did nothing. I was not doing good with exams for quite a while there was not a single night in those five months when I didn't cry although the whole time I w...

 hi guys this blog is a bit special as it is entirely about me. I want to tell you all the main reason for starting this blog as well as a part of my life it is not possible for me to jot all details but i want to tell you about an important incident of my life that has shattered me or you could say this incident is the cause of everything that i have been going through .so this is a story of my early teen period , i was always pretty active in co  circular activities( don't ask me about studies though) i liked to go out with my friends and play till my mother had to drag me back to my home, anyways but not everyone in my neighborhood was my friend and there were times when i used to be bullied by them sadly the conditions were even worse at my school and didn't had many friends and soon because of sudden turn of events and condition that occurred at that  time i stopped going out and didn't play with anyone you can say that there was a small kind of WWE match in my neigh...

                                                                  ANGELS AND DEVILS okay so till now I have been suggesting u you several ways to change yourself and helping you to reach the SKY that is full of hopes and dreams but now I think you should also know that you are not the only one that needs to change. people around you who are just there to insult you and make you regret your choices need to change as well. Listen I am not just talking about anyone there are people who actually care for you and so will obviously give you some or the other facts that will eventually help you to do better, but anyone who you are not related with by anyways, REMEMBER THIS that if they ever try to suggest you something or say something that made you lose your confidence or fill you with negative energy then my friends I think its t...

THE EMOTIONS THAT CAN ONLY BE HIDDEN   I hate these emotions called love, gloom, hatred, jealousy, truth, honesty, these emotions are just so hard to believe like don't you guys feel a pain kind of sensation near your heart it's actually due to these few emotions. Those who hide them are also in trouble and those who express them are also in trouble. Have you ever been humiliated for being shy or an introvert it happens to me all the time. I feel really hopeless. It's sometimes like I want to change but a part of me stops me. Ahh!! it keeps on getting in my nerves there are a lot of flaws in me but every time someone mentions it   I just can't accept it even though I know it's bad it's only gonna ruin me but I still won't change I can't talk to people like others can. I seem to be talkative but I don't talk to a lot of people I even sometimes during family gatherings would go somewhere so that no one could see me. Very often, I lose control of mys...